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Thriving, not surviving: Prosperity
coach offers ideas for a life of abundance
by Fay Reiter, The Times,
Trenton, NJ, March 14, 2004
Money has been called the "root of all
evil." It has spawned wars, divorces and unrest. When put in perspective, many
will say money is not important compared to good health, relationships and
world peace. Yet, undeniably, it is vital to our existence. We need it to
procure food, shelter and all that we need to engage in the activities of daily
life.
Often synonymous with power, one's bank account also serves as a
barometer of success. For generations, people have flocked to America in search
of prosperity and pursuit of the American Dream, traditionally defined by
material possessions.
Money is a deeply emotional and private issue.
I've shared many intimate details about myself in my columns, even my weight.
But faced with this topic, I felt hesitant.
Growing up in New York
City, everyone in my family had enough, but, due to limited space, we lived
modestly. We had small residences and economy cars.
When I moved to
suburban New Jersey, my new friends had large houses and expensive cars. They
took trips to Disney Land, ate most of their meals in restaurants and went on
family cruises. Surrounded by affluence, suddenly I felt poor. I started to
think that perhaps I should give up creative work, get a corporate job and move
up to their level.
My son will often comment on all the "stuff" his
friends have. Although he's been taught that these things are really not
important, nevertheless, he still feels deprived not having them.
When
my boiler needed to be replaced last month and I anticipated the hardship of
paying for it, I thought, "What am I doing wrong? I work hard."
Kathy
Miller is a prosperity coach who helps people sort out the often overlapping
issues of money and life.
"Our attitudes and behaviors about money are
formed very early when we are growing up. Children operate at a much deeper
level subconsciously," she says. "So if you get the message early on, for
example, that you are not entitled to much, this belief will become ingrained
and you will operate from that point of reference."
Miller actually
became involved in this work because of her own difficulties.
"I had
financial problems and life was a great struggle," she says. "I got into the
habit of doing things a certain way, based on what I saw growing up>" I was
a single parent working 16 - 18 hours a day making just enough money to get by,
working really hard at surviving.
"Surviving takes all your energy,"
she continues. "I got really good at struggling and it became a way of defining
my value and worth. I believed if something was really hard and I got through
it, I was a good person. Struggling became a habit and I took pride in fighting
the good fight. There was a glory in it."
At the time, Miller was also
desperate to discover her purpose. "When our lives are a mess, we can't be
fulfilling that purpose," she says. She started working as a life coach and
noticed others also doing things the hard way.
"As I gradually focused
on changing my beliefs on the inside, tangible changes started to take place on
the outside. I realized that I had been digging myself into a hole. Once I
stopped doing that, things got better. When you are so focused on doing things
one way, that is all you will see.
"There may be other possibilities all
around you, but you won't see them if you are not open to explore options," she
says.
"That was Miller's life 10 years ago. Now things are good. She's
financially stable and enjoying her work helping others with their own
prosperity.
"Now it's not about surviving, it's about thriving," says
Miller. She works with people with a variety of problems. "I meet my clients
where they are. Often, people think their problems are about money, when they
are really about other things."
Miller focuses on issues such as
integrity, where she helps clients examine past mistakes they still hold
against themselves. She uses a five-week program called the "forgiveness diet,"
a means of stirring everything up. Through a series of breathing exercises, she
helps people uncover the beliefs that are holding them back from a life of
abundance. "There are all these things that we carry around that fog our
system…clog up our pipes," says Miller. "Once they are released, we can
think clearly and our creativity flows.
"For example, if you believe
that there is not enough money to go around, you are going to behave in ways
that are limiting you. You think, 'I can't change jobs, I'm stuck here.' I help
people see things from a different perspective.
Miller believes people
have a lot of shame and embarrassment attached to money based on early
experiences.
"Money affects every aspect of our lives and is also a good
indicator of what is going on in general," she says. "If a person's checkbook
is not being maintained and they have a lot of financial clutter such as debt,
we take a look at this to see why. I encourage people to get organized.
"It takes courage to do this kind of work. You have to be willing to
invest in yourself. Many people have bad habits, but habits can be changed and
we have choices about our behaviors. When people do this work, the results are
dramatic."
Joe Morrison, a 34-year-old landscape designer from
Flemington, has been working with Miller for two years.
"Kathy showed me
how to live in a world of abundance," he says. "She taught me that there is a
huge pie, enough for everyone to have a piece. If you use abundance as your
philosophy, your subconscious will prove you correct and things will come to
you."
Morrison and his wife had been experiencing financial
difficulties. He operates his own business and his wife was between jobs; when
they had their son, they were without health insurance. He started meeting with
Miller on a monthly basis and they used the breathing exercises to get at the
source of where he had developed his ideas about money.
"I didn't
realize that my difficulties were based on the way I saw things," says
Morrison. "Now I see a win-win in any situation. I learned that if you are
looking for an opportunity, chances are you will find it."
The next step
for him was setting goals and taking steps to achieve them. His first one was
to save up for a house. "We reached our goal, earlier than we had planned," he
says with a smile. "My long-term goals are to continue increasing my income and
to receive my bachelor's degree."
Getting back to that situation with
the boiler, I wonder if there might be some place in between being an affluent
executive and a struggling writer. Financial health is just one of the many
pieces that need to be put in order to achieve the optimum state of well being
that we all strive for. Just as it is important to exercise regularly and eat a
healthful diet, having a balanced checkbook and the satisfaction that you have
all your material needs met is key to good health as well.
I guarantee
that you will sleep better too.
For more information about prosperity
coaching, contact Kathy Miller (908) 647-1856 or look online
(www.prosperityteacher.com).
Fay Reiter writes about health and develops
fitness programs. E-mail: fayreiter@aol.com
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